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28 October 2005 @ 08:50 pm
Episode 4--The Word (Love Handles)  

October 20, 2005

Stephen Colbert: Tonight's Word is... love handles.

  • Love Handles

Or what the doom-criers at the CDC insist on calling "morbid obesity".

  • Morbid Obesity

A recent study shows that 61% of American adults are overweight.

  • America Fat

A number which has doubled--

  • With Cheese

--since the late seventies.

  • Thanks, War On Drugs!

Well, yesterday--

  • Day Before Today

--the House of Representatives passed a so-called "cheeseburger bill"--

  • Cheeseburger Bill

--Which is not named for Cheeseburger Bill, who later became Mayor McCheese.

The bill makes it unlawful to sue any food corporation for selling fatty foods.

  • Tasty Treats

I say, kudos, Congress; delicious, crunchy Kudos. First of all, America needs tort reform.

  • Chocolate Tort

It's bad enough the tobacco companies had to cough up cash to the lung-huggers out there.

  • The Blame-Cancer Crowd

It's time to stop all the frivolous legal actions choking our courts, be they frivolous lawsuits or frivolous restraining orders. I am not stalking you, Charlene! I know it's over!

  • Call Me.

Second. Please. Folks, come on. What is this national obsession with body image?

  • I Like Big Butts

Some people--some people, like me, have a metabolism of a bird.

  • Eagle

Okay? Other people are constantly battling their weight. It is nothing--it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a symbol of our national prosperity. Do you know what third-world countries would give for the rolls of fat around our wrists?

  • Dirt?

Besides... besides, 61% of us are overweight? Last time I checked, that's a majority.

  • More Than Half

America has voted with its gut, and it is strongly pro-growth.

  • Stretch Denim

Think of the boost to industry when we have to build stronger chairs, wider doors, Bigger Gulps.

  • 99 ¢

What good--what is good for the nacho industrial complex is good for us all.

  • Freedom Fryers

In these tough economic times, I say, America, we all need to loosen our belts. And that's the Word.