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28 October 2005 @ 09:36 pm
Episode 8--The Word (Quitter)  

October 27, 2005

Stephen Colbert: Quitter.

  • Quitter

Quitters like Harriet E. Miers--

(Picture: Harriet Miers, caption: Harriet E. Miers)

--the E stands for Quitter--

(Caption: Harriet Quitter Miers)

--who withdrew her nomination to the Supreme Court today. She threw in the towel, called it a day, folded her tent, she bowed out, she booked, she scrammed, she vamoosed, she skedaddled, she turned tail, she 'take me money and run Venezuela'.

Well, you know what, Harriet?

(Caption: What?)

Good. You may be a lawyer--

  • So is Star Jones

--but you clearly... you clearly don't have what it takes to be on the Supreme Court.

  • An Opinion

Have you... have you forgotten the landmark court case, Quitters v. Winners?

  • "Quitters v. Winners"

Do I really need to remind you who won that one?

  • Winners, 5-4 Decision

The court is a lifetime appointment. Ipso facto, Supreme Court justices are not quitters.

  • Except Sandra Day O'Connor

They... they are die-ers.

  • You Can Have My Gavel When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands

This is a long one; I'm gonna give you a second to read it.

All right. The irony is, you were nominated by a guy who's known for not quitting.

  • No Timetable

Do you think... do you think President Bush is going to quit his plan to make his next nominee a flashy new superconservative, just so he can forget about this whole stupid indictment thing?

  • What Indictments?

And it's... it's gonna take more than the threat of jail time to make Karl Rove and Scooter Libby quit.

  • Libby = Bull
    Rove = Bitch

Now... you know what? Forget politics. Look at this story in the New York Times. In Morocco, ghosts--goats don't have enough to eat on the ground, but did they quit eating? No! They started climbing trees to get fruit.

Goats are climbing trees, madam. And you can't go toe-to-toe with Arlen Specter?

  • Specter Got Your Goat

Finally... finally, take the Chicago White Sox. They had an embarrassing past they didn't want to talk about. They threw the 1919 World Series! Then they sucked for eighty-six years.

  • Sucked It Hard

Did they quit? No. They came back and swept the World Series.

  • The Supreme Court of Baseball

But again, I am glad you quit. Because you are a quitter.

  • Quitter

Not an acquitter.

  • Acquitter

Because only judges can acquit. And you will never be a judge. Because you are a quitter.

  • Quitter

And that's the Word.
sarah annerobot_sarah on November 7th, 2005 11:32 pm (UTC)
This made me laugh a lot. Thanks for this. :D
disutilitydisutility on December 1st, 2005 12:46 am (UTC)
You are my hero. :D