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26 December 2005 @ 06:16 pm
The Word--Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay  

Stephen Colbert: There is a very interesting story today in the New York Times, paper of record. This story right here blows the lid off the news that hunky Australian rocker Rick Springfield is returning to his role as Dr. Noah Drake on TV's General Hospital after a twenty-two-year absence. Now, I don't need to go into too much detail. We all know how Dr. Drake left Port Charles in 1983 to become a neurosurgeon in Atlanta. After a long courtship with Bobbi Spencer, who spurned Drake to take up with that no-good DL Brock. Now, for most Americans at the time, it was Luke and Laura who captured their hearts, but for me, it was all about Noah and Bobbi. When he left, I switched over to Ryan's Hope. Good show.

Now, I still have my Betamax tapes of the General Hospital Springfield years. 'Course, I don't have a Betamax deck anymore; I... I just hold the tapes in my hand, and I remember what love was.

Over the last two decades, Springfield himself has concentrated exclusively on his music--mainly by singing "Jesse's Girl" to ever smaller and older crowds. It's actually a very good song.

Anyway, Springfield's back, which means I'm back with General Hospital, which means everyone in the Nation should be, too.

Now, just because I enjoy my stories, that doesn't make me any less a man. Which brings us to tonight's Word: Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay.

  • Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay

Now, in street parlance, that means "really gay".

  • Gay

And in Vatican parlance, that means "too gay to be a priest".

  • There's a Limit

On Tuesday, Pope Benedict released his first major policy initiative: an instruction that states that men with deep-seated homosexual tendencies could not be priests, while those with transitory tendencies could be, thereby proving the transitive property of gayness.

  • If Priests = B, and B = Gay ∴ Priests = Gay

I'll give you a little... I'll give you a little time there, for those of you who don't remember your high school geometry.

Now, what's the difference between "transitory" homosexuality and "deep-seated" homosexuality?

  • Theater Camp?

Well, the Church says... the Church says "deep-seated" means those who, quote, "present deeply-rooted--

  • Man-Root

--homosexual tendencies or support the so-called gay culture." Transitory means "temporarily gay." Like, while you're stuck in prison.

  • Or Traffic

Everyone goes... everyone goes through an experimental phase in college... and then grad school... of course, you'll want to go for the Ph.D. just to give that experiment a little more time to play out. Hey, you know what make--you know what college makes--uh... you stay in for a long time? Seminaries. Now, the Church has a new, simple rule: if you've had no homosexual encounters for three years or more--

  • Long Dry Spell

--you can become a priest. And then, while you may not be able to go whole hog, the Church has no problem with you looking gay. Fabulous hats, silken robes, even Pope Benedict looks like a Friend of Dorothy. Check out the ruby slippers.

Now, some might say--some might say, "Hey. Priests are celibate. What does it matter what kind of sex they're not having?" Well, the Church says women can't be priests, because priests have to be just like the apostles. And the apostles were male, non-gay, spoke Aramaic, and lived in first-century Judea. If that doesn't describe you, you're out. And as you leave, don't let the narthex hit you where the good Lord split you.

  • Sounds Less Gay in Latin

And that's the Word.
the girl they call "Anna": Hearts99_regrets on December 27th, 2005 01:10 am (UTC)
>>Now, what's the difference between "transitory" homosexuality and "deep-seated" homosexuality?

[Bullet: Theater Camp?]

I laugh because I'm a theatre major.
Thesaurus Rexvirtuistic on December 27th, 2005 05:05 am (UTC)
Word from a theater minor.

P.S. Thespians do it on stage.
the girl they call "Anna"99_regrets on December 27th, 2005 05:40 am (UTC)
Techies do it in the dark.

...and bitechtuals/tactors/techtors/tractors do it everywhere. And we're damn good too.

What area of theatre are you studying? Acting? And where? What's your major?
Thesaurus Rex: smile!!virtuistic on December 27th, 2005 08:21 pm (UTC)
I'm studying acting and performance(i.e. directing), but I'm also doing tech cause it's totally required. Hah, I dont mind it though, 'cause it's all fun. In fact, I think I have lighting set up before next term, which will take forever, ugh.

I'm at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities campus and my major is Journalism. My goal is to write theatre reviews, maybe have my own column.

How 'bout you?
the girl they call "Anna"99_regrets on December 27th, 2005 09:02 pm (UTC)
That's awesome. I'm at Foothill, in California. Their theatre conservatory is one of the best community college theatre programs in the country. (Community college because I'm poor). They've been known to transfer to NYU, UCLA, etc. The main focus is acting and performance as well, but I'm also taking tech classes because I can. And it pays better.
Thesaurus Rex: soakupthesunvirtuistic on December 28th, 2005 06:49 am (UTC)
Oh my god I am jealous of your climate.

the girl they call "Anna"99_regrets on December 28th, 2005 06:52 am (UTC)
it's not all sunshine and beaches, y'know. Right now i'm looking outside at a thunder storm.
Thesaurus Rex: radioheadvirtuistic on December 28th, 2005 06:55 am (UTC)
Yeah but I'm willing to bet it's not black ice under a foot and a half of snow, with a wind chill bringin' it down to -7 degrees.

I'll trade you. :)
the girl they call "Anna"99_regrets on December 28th, 2005 07:50 am (UTC)
You know something? i like the snow an awful lot but I wouldn't trade this storm for the world.

...okay, maybe some of the world.
Thesaurus Rexvirtuistic on December 28th, 2005 05:51 pm (UTC)
I love thunderstorms.

We get a ton of them in Minneapolis in the summer, and I live at the bottom of a hill so our street always floods because it can't drain fast enough and i go puddle.. well... river jumping and it's ridiculously amusing.

I am such a kid at heart.